High Possibility, Low Expectation

Sexual communities are best when they're treated as HIGH POSSIBILITY, LOW EXPECTATION spaces.

That means two things: first, that all kinds of awesome sexy interactions are possible, but that no one should be expected to interact with us in any particular way. Second, we often participate in sexual communities and spaces with a preconceived notion of the type or quality of experience we should have. While anything is possible, you'll probably have a much better experience if you lose those expectations of yourself and open yourself up to the abundance of connection of all kinds available to you in the community. In other words, try not to be goal-oriented and put connection first.

It's important to remember that having low expectations isn't the same as having unclear desire. Having a well-articulated sense of what you want can be critical to expanding your sense of possibility. Low expectation calls on you to hold those desires lightly.

Trust and Trustworthiness

Communities like ours are built on TRUST, so we all have to show up being our most TRUSTWORTHY. Trust allows us to be as open and welcoming and vulnerable as we can be inside the spaces we share.

Three practical ways we can be trustworthy: first, we keep people's participation in our community confidential. Don’t share names, personally identifying details, images, or content others share without their express permission. We take exquisite care of the virtual and physical containers that host us, following the rules as best as we can and not taking actions that jeopardize our ability to utilize these spaces. Finally, we honestly and proactively disclose our STI statuses, substance use, and any other relevant risks before engaging with others sexually. We take it upon ourselves to be students of sexual health in order to best take care of one another. And we encourage our members to use all the tools of discernment at their disposal to determine whether the folks they interact with in our spaces are trustworthy according to their personal standards.

Consent

We agree that we will only physically engage with one another, including nonsexual touch, where there is CLEAR CONSENT.

We define consent as an ongoing collaboration between two or more people in constant verbal, physical, and emotional dialogue about what each other needs to safely, willingly, and pleasurably interact with one another.

Gold standard consent in Bonobo Network is affirmative, informed, unpressured, specific, competently given, and ongoing. Respecting and valuing consent isn't just about preventing violations that shred trust -- it's about making sure that everyone has as much space as they need to fully occupy their yes. Please read our Consent and Accountability Policy for more details on how we approach consent and accountability in our community.

Support

Bonobo Network is a HIGH SUPPORT environment. Navigating sexual communities and spaces can be challenging and emotionally complex, even for seasoned veterans.

As we come together to celebrate and play at our edges, we invite our members to take exquisite care of themselves and one another. We make it clear that challenge is normal and that no one ever has to perform "sexy" to be welcome in our spaces. We welcome and celebrate open-hearted vulnerability. We encourage you to be kind towards others because you never know what burdens others are carrying.

To fully support that endeavor, we recruit a team of peer support volunteers, known as Angels, who help provide high-quality listening and social support when you’re having a hard time. We make it easy to report when someone in our community has crossed a boundary. And we encourage every community member to commit to being an Angel for other Bonobos.

Contribution

EVERYONE CONTRIBUTES. Communities like this are never the work of a single organizer -- they take the intentional participation and contribution of each participant. Everyone is expected to co-create the community by contributing some combination of money, time, energy, enthusiasm, ideas, kindness, work, intention, example, concern and/or awareness.

Inclusion

We are dedicated to FOSTERING INCLUSION in our community. No matter your race, ethnicity, gender identity, or class background, we want everyone who participates in this community to understand that they belong here and that they have as much of a stake in what happens here as anyone else does. To achieve this goal, our institution and our members alike must be strongly aligned with it. We recognize that everyone is on a learning curve when it comes to learning how to foster such an atmosphere. As Bonobos, we commit to a stance of cultural humility, of resilience, and of learning -- and supporting one another's learning -- how to be excellent to one another.